November 4, 2009

This Is The End Result of Literary Catharsis!

Analyse, analyse, analyse! It's all about being anally retentive and analysing every bit of 'Twelfth Night'. Appreciation for the literary device, the language and psychoanalysis of the characters, their tone, the effects they create on the audience.

Shakespeare na? Khwar tha.* He had too much time on his hands. Bas depth ke peeche faut tha. Seedha seedha likhdeta, nai! DEPTH HAR CHEEZ MEIN!*
Literary devices, overcomplicating things, and calloused fingers ._. HMPH!

You want me to analyse? I'll analyse!

Orsino? He's a dumbfuck. Apne hi nakhron mein chour hai!* He NEEDS to go get laid, get some and STOP wallowing and whining so much! Always whinging, complaining. He's like a little kid who stomps his feet when he doesn't get something. Poor dimwit is in COMPLETE denial that Olivia is a lesbian who wants a piece of Viola/Cesario tranny's bum.
It's evident in lines 14-15 of Act 1, Scene 1 that Orsino is an underdeveloped personality with the emotional depth of a soap dish, when he says "So full of shapes is fancy, that it alone is highly fantastical!'
Let me spell it out for you, L-U-N-A-T-I-C!

Olivia? Dumb bitch. Two-faced, veil-flipping, "fair cruelty", a lot like the "queen bee" of Illyria. Her vanity deludes her to the extent that she actually thinks she's beautiful enough to have to be screened from men! HA!

What if she lifts the veil and OMGHEARTATTACK!

Next day in the headlines? "MYSTERY MASS DEATH of LITERARY SPECTATORS!"

It can be concluded from lines 257-278 of Act 1, Scene 5, that Olivia is a drag-queen/lesbian fantasizing, greedy lass,
Who wants a piece of Viola/ [drag-name: Cesario]'s ass!
OH LOOK! ITS A COUPLET! Shakespeare style! Rhyming towards the end! *clap clap clap*

Proof of this comes from lines 237-243 and 261-262 of Act 1, Scene 5.
This is where the theme of homo eroticism subtly lingers in. Another homo-couple in 'Twelfth Night' are introduced to us; Sebastian and Antonio, the former being drowned in his love for his lost sister [alluded to Bollywood cinema, elaborated later on in the essay], and the latter pining for some gay love with Sebastian.
Further analysis at this point in time cannot be conducted as the characters are deemed much too pathetic, boring & douche bags for the play.

Malvolio is rightfully described in Act 1, Scene 5, line 279, "What ho, Malvolio!"
The pompous foo' is cynical and happiness-constipated throughout the play, often acting as Olivia's lapdog, [evidence, line 67-6, Act 1 Scene 5] throwing out Sir Toby and Sir Andrew [see below] when the time calls, or even disciplining Maria when need be. Poor neo-Puritan believes he has sex-appeal enough with that shiny bald head and grey boundary walls, to attract Olivia to him.

Sir Toby and Sir Andrew are two knights living their entire existence in drunken stupors. They'd make Jack Sparrow or Poe seem sober.

Sir Toby has quite the beer-belly and in the later scenes, adopts lustful flirtation with Maria, the barren-yet-lusting lady-in-waiting for Olivia.
Sir Andrew is tall, thin and downright stupid. Pretty downgraded on his neck-top. Quite the gullible bastard he is, as is apparent in lines 165-169 of Act 2, Scene 4, where Sir Toby, who's a smart pig, is using Sir Toby for an all-expenses-paid-life!

Maria, Olivia's menopausal-hitting-lusting-for-Toby-coy-bollywood-style-Aunty needs some, and soon. She keeps suggesting sexual-innuendos on her first meeting with Sir Toby and Sir Andrew. As the plot unravels, we will read about their futile pro-creation attempts.

And last but not the least, Feste the jester, a licensed fool for the dumb bitch, & the smartest bastard in the play! Quick-witted, cunning and sly, his dialogues stir quite some shit up amongst the audience. An example of his brilliance is depicted in lines 33-64, Act 1, Scene 5 when upon commanding the attendants to take the fool away. dumb bitch is proved quite the fool. Extract shall provide the relevant lines for easier comprehension.

Wit, an't be thy will, put me into good fooling!
Those wits, that think they have thee, do very oft
prove fools; and I, that am sure I lack thee, may
pass for a wise man: for what says Quinapalus?
'Better a witty fool, than a foolish wit.'


God bless thee, lady!

Take the fool away.

Do you not hear, fellows? Take away the lady.

Go to, you're a dry fool; I'll no more of you:
besides, you grow dishonest.

Two faults, madonna, that drink and good counsel
will amend: for give the dry fool drink, then is
the fool not dry: bid the dishonest man mend
himself; if he mend, he is no longer dishonest; if
he cannot, let the botcher mend him. Any thing
that's mended is but patched: virtue that
transgresses is but patched with sin; and sin that
amends is but patched with virtue. If that this
simple syllogism will serve, so; if it will not,
what remedy? As there is no true cuckold but
calamity, so beauty's a flower. The lady bade take
away the fool; therefore, I say again, take her away.

Sir, I bade them take away you.

Misprision in the highest degree! Lady, cucullus non
facit monachum; that's as much to say as I wear not
motley in my brain. Good madonna, give me leave to
prove you a fool.

Can you do it?

Dexterously, good madonna.

Make your proof.

I must catechise you for it, madonna: good my mouse
of virtue, answer me.

Well, sir, for want of other idleness, I'll bide your proof.

Good madonna, why mournest thou?

Good fool, for my brother's death.

I think his soul is in hell, madonna.

I know his soul is in heaven, fool.

The more fool, madonna, to mourn for your brother's
soul being in heaven. Take away the fool, gentlemen.

It can be ascertained from Shakespeare's use of language in various parts of the play, that he is gangsta, fo' real! Line 279 of Act 1, Scene 5, by the dumb bitch herself "What ho, Malvolio!" and "I'm the man!" [line 24, Act 2, Scene 2 by the tranny].

Elements of Bollywood-style drama are also prevalent in the play, for e.g. the reoccurring "drowning in love/drowned in tears" theme. Another being Malvolio's dialogue, "One would think his mother's milk were scarce out of him", which can be alluded to stereotypical old-school Indian cinema. Another instance of [of the many contained in the play]Bollywood-cinema alive and thriving in Shakespeare's 'Twelfth Night' is when dumb bitch rushes to put her veil on as soon as she hears a young man arriving at her door, i.e. line 154-155 of Act 2, Scene 2.

To conclude, the theme of love, lust, comedy, deception are central to the 'Twelfth Night' and homo eroticism is also subtly hinted. Shakespeare has used various useless, crappy but excessive literary devices that are of little importance to the 21st Century readers. They create the effect of over-complicating petty dialogues, and tongue-twisters during reading sessions.

*Shakespeare was jobless.
*He was killing himself over esoteric literature. He could've just written in simple words what he meant, but NUUUUU!Everything had to be arcane!
* Mulling over his woes!

Disclaimer: Please note, I thoroughly enjoy my Literature lessons and I appreciate and admire Shakespeare's work. I personally read Twelfth Night as a leisure-time activity. He was no doubt a literary genius. So please do not come up to me and tell me I suck 'cause I don't get it or that I do not appreciate beautiful literature. This was, as the title suggest, a silly idea born out of frustration that popped up in my head after a B/C grade in a class-assessment task.

Apologies if this was rude or offensive to anyone on any level.